A list of all the things we’ve discussed.


A Bag For Life – Iggy Pop.
Accordions – Kazzoos
After Eight Mints – Trebor Extra Strong Mints.
Aglets – Eyelets/Lugs.
A Good Cup Of Tea, Ahhh – Herbal Tea With Milk.
A Good Night’s Sleep – Playing Video Games All Night.
A Kitten Yawning – Blaming A Fart On The Dog.
Alcohol – A Cat’s Furball After It’s Eaten Blu Tak.
Aliens – Midwives.
A Kick To The Balls – Dozing In Front Of The Snooker.
Alfred Hitchcock – Kevin Smith.
Allo Allo – The Three Colours Trilogy.
Almonds – Peaches.
Amazon Prime – Optimus Prime.
American Pancakes – Breakfast Burrito.
Amusement Park – Going To Your Gran’s For Tea On a Drizzly Afternoon.
Andrex – Dulux.
Animaniacs – Tiny Toon Adventures.
Antidisestablishmentarianism – Tea.
AOL Discs – Free WiFi.
April Fool’s Day – Slapping Day.
Archery – Target.
Arnold Rimmer – Ace Rimmer.


Backgammon – Noughts And Crosses.
Backlog – Preppers.
Back To The Future – Peggy Sue Got Married.
Bakewell Tart – Chelsea Bun.
Baskets – Bird Nests.
Basketball Hoops – Bottom Shelf of a Supermarket.
Batman Returns – Pingu.
Beans On Toast – Bacon & Maple Syrup.
Beaver Creek Institution – Norfolk, 800,000 Years Ago.
Bell – Siren.
Binoculars – Binoculars The Other Way Round.
Bitcoin – Currency.
Blankety Blank – Families At War.
Board Games – Going To The Gym.
Body Building – Darts.
Bookmarks – Random Number Generator.
Bottom – Top Cat.
Branston Pickle – HP Sauce.
Bras – Pop Socks.
Bread – Maltesers.
Bill Murray – Murray Walker’s Commentary Track From The Formula One ’97 Playstation Game.
Brick Hod – Mattock.
Brighton Beach – Sherbert.
Broomsticks – Dyson. (correction: Black Cats)
Blu Tack – Tippex.
Bubble Wrap – Lego Pips.
Bubbles – Lester Freeman.
Bubbles – Balls From A Ball Pit.
Burgers – Apples.
Burps – Eating.
Buzzfeed – The Butterfly Effect.
Buzz Lightyear – Woody.


Cable Car – Steve McQueen In A Ford Advert.
Cadbury’s Creme Egg – Used Condom/Chicken Kiev.
Cake Boss – The Great British Bake Off (correction: The Sopranos).
Calippo – Swedish Taste.
Calvinball – Baseball.
Canada – France.
Captions – Post It Notes.
Caramel – Wet Salt.
Cardboard Box – Mansion.
Carrot – Ron Weasley In A Slitherin Outfit.
Carry On Films – The Fast & Furious Films.
Cartwheels – Catherine Wheels.
Catan (Settlers Of) – Suburbia.
Cement – Slime Fish.
Chameleons – Hypercolor T Shirts.
Charles Dickens – Agatha Christie.
Cheesecake – Mud Pie.
Chocolate Eclairs – Butterscotch Eclairs.
Chlorine Triflouride – The Queen’s Face.
Clergymen – Dwayne ‘The Rock’ Johnson.
Channel Tunnel – Pont Du Garde.
Chicken Nuggets – Steve Davis’ Cock.
Chocolate – Soap.
Chocolate Cereal – Marmite On Toast.
Christmas Card – Valentine’s Card.
Christmas Cracker – Overly Tight Balloon.
Christmas Elves – BAE.
Christmas Jumper – Wedding Dress.
Christmas Pudding – The Banking Collapse Of 2008.
Chupa Chups – Boiled Gumshields.
Clicking A Pen – Metronome.
Cliffhanger – Last Of The Summer Wine.
Cling Film – Aluminium Foil.
Cloud – Sulphur.
Clusterfuck – Amazeballs.
Clutch – Clam.
Colgate Blue Minty Gel – Deep Heat.
Crab Nebula – Milky Way Bar.
Cream Tea – Cucumber Finger Sandwiches.
Cruithne – The Other Krankie.
Cobwebs – Slime Fish Slime.
Coffee – Horlicks.
Coleslaw – Alpen.
Columbo – Inspector Gadget.
Conditioner – A Mid-Life Crisis.
Condoms – Riding A Helmet Without A Motorbike On (To Be Continued).
Copper – Tooth Fairy.
Crocodiles – Popcorn, But Very Specifically Cinema Popcorn.

Curtains – Wikipedia.
Cyril Sneer – Fangs A Lot Fiendish Feet.


Dalek – R2-D2.
Davros – Jeremy Corbyn.
Decapitation – Hanging.
December – Ramadan.
Deep Fried Battenberg Cake – Parsley.
Deep Space Nine – I’m Alan Partridge Series One.
Deerstalker – Rupert Bear’s Trousers.
Didgeridoos – Straws.
Die Hard – Easy Living.
Disgruntlement – Hygge.
Doctor Who – Han Solo Frozen In Carbonite.
Dog Food – Cat Food.
Dominoes – Jenga.
Door Hinge – Aaaaahh.
Doughnuts – Bagels.
Dreaming – Pins & Needles.
Drivethroughs – Chefs.
Drugs – Gold.
Duckling – Echo The Dolphin.


Ear Worms – French Vocab Test.
Easter Eggs – Mince Pies.
Ed Miliband’s Shoes – Russell Crowe’s Jockstrap.
Eggs Benedict – Buckfast Tonic Water.
Egg Whisk – Wet Celery.
Elephant – Mouse.
Elevator Music – Paper Bag.
Empty Crisp Packets – Bedsheets.
Envelopes – Fry’s Turkish Delight.
Espresso – Night Caps.
Eurovision Song Contest – Second World War.
Exactly 12 Baked Beans – Disciples.
Exclamation Mark – A Lower Case I.


Farts – Making Balloon Animals.
Felt Tip Pens – Honey Ants.
Fidget Spinners – Hamster Hand Escalators.
Film Directors – Daytime TV Presenters.
Fish Fingers – L Ron Hubbard’s Clam Chowder.
Flag – Petard.
Flip Flops – Visors.
Fluffy Bunnies – Bowling Balls.
Fluffy Cat Bellies – Pin Art.
Focaccia – Brutus/Bluto From Popeye.
Forks – Chopsticks.
Friday 13th – Christmas Day (Movie).
Frigate – Tug.
Frigate Bird – Whitesnake.
Fruit Pastilles – Jolly Ranchers.
Fur Coat – Towelling Dressing Gown.


Game Shows – Desert Bus.
Gammon – Hubba Bubba.
Garbage – Chocolate Cheesecake.
Garbage Pail Kids – The Munch Bunch.
Gary Oldman – John Hurt.
Ghosts – Zombies.
Glamping – A Night With Keith Moon.
Glue – Lube.
Goats – Trolls.
Goblins – Sprites.
Goldfish – Swinger’s Car Keys.
Golf – Tossing The Caber.
Gondola Lift – Plane Taxiing On A Runway.
Grapevine – Cabbage.
Grated Cheese – Grated Carrot.
Grand Theft Auto – Sylvanian Families.
Grand Theft Auto 3 – Dixit.
Gravity – Suction.
Greetings Card – Dick Pic.


Hair Follicle – Pin Cushion.
Halo – Rubber Plastic Face Applied Plunger.
Handbags – A Bag Of Hands.
Handwash – Mud.
Harry Potter (franchise) – Calvin & Hobbes.
Head Slapping – A Cup Of Beans.
Health & Safety – Office Birthdays.
Heinz Chicken Noodle Soup – Dry Chicken Sandwich.
Helen – Nelly.
Henry’s Cat – Huckleberry Hound.
Hessian Sack – Very Cheap Plastic Bag.
Hogmanay – Black Friday.
Hogwash – Sheep Dip.
Hokey Cokey – Funerals.
Home Town – Layby.
Honeymoon – Fighting A Bear In Alaska.
Hotdogs – A Hot Kitkat.
Hotmail – Snapchat.
Hump Day – Friyay.


Ice Cream – Custard.
Ice Cream Scoop – Mr Whippy.
IKEA – Dovetail Joints.
Indiana Jones – Tony Robinson.
Inflatable Boxing Gloves – Knuckledusters.
Inspector Morse – DCI Jane Tennison.
Instagram – Radio Four.
Insurance – Gambling.
International Space Station – Sedgemoor Services.
Ironing Board – Deckchair.
Iron Man – Aspirin Man.
Island – Pond.


James Bond – Michael Palin.
Jazz – Magic Spells.
Jigsaw Puzzles – Carcassonne.
Jiu Jitsu – Jousting.
Jogging – Masturbation.
John McClane – The Terminator.
Jugs – Glasses.
Jurassic Park – Chessington World Of Adventures.


Kerfuffle – Easy Peasy Lemon Squeezy.
Kerplunk – Decimation.
Kleenex – Andrex.


Lara Croft – Indiana Jones.
Large Hadron Collider – Giant Floating Toblerone.
Ladybirds – Dung Beetles.
Lego – Knex.
Legs – Wheels.
Lemmings – Lemmings.
Lens Wipes – A Live Mole.
Lettuce – Popeye.
Lollipops – Candy Floss.
Lotion – Dulux Paint.
Love Hearts – Parma Violets
Low Rent Sceptic Tank – A Truck That Delivers Savlon On The Motorway.
Lunch Boxes – Cornish Pasties.
Lymsewold – Diamonds.


Margaret Thatcher – Clement Atlee.
Marmalade Sandwiches – A Pot Of Honey.
Mars Bar – Dog Shit.
Marvin The Paranoid Android – The Doors On The Heart Of Gold.
Mary Shelley – Roy Clarke.
Match – Putting Out A Candle With Wet Fingers.
Milk Left Over From A Bowl Of Cereal – Bread In Gravy.
Mixed Martial Arts (MMA) – Stop Sign.
M&Ms – Bounty.
Morris Dancing – Breakdancing.
Moon – Sun.
Motorway Services – Londis.
Mr Spock – Bones.
Muesli – Full English Breakfast.
Mouth ulcers – Kissing.
Mumbly Peg – Kite Flying.
Museums – Shops.
Myrrh – Hotel Soaps.


New Year’s Resolution – Birthday Wish.
1990s – Prince.
Nickel – Wooden Poker Chips.
Ninjas – Clowns.
Nipple – Nose.
Neo – Paddington.
Netflix – Blockbuster Video.
Newspapers – Status Quo.
New Year Resolutions – Being A Man.
Nostalgia – The Cringe Monkey.
Nutella – Hummus.
Nutritional Labelling – Cigarette Health Warnings.


Octopus – Parrot.
Only Fools And Horses – A Touch Of Frost.
Orange – Parma Violet.


Pac-Man – Muon Trap From Ghostbusters.
Pain Killers – Piers Morgan.
Pancake Day – National Tortilla Chip Day.
Pandora – Eve.
Pan Galactic Gargle Blaster – A Plastic Cup Filled With A Liquid That’s Almost, But Not Quite, Entirely Unlike Tea.
Papercut – Wasp Nest.
Paper Jam – Cardboard Marmalade.
Party – Jesus Spending 40 Days In The Desert.
Party Rings – Wagon Wheels.
Peas – Pete Best.
Pencil – Information.
Penguins – Bourbons.
Penguins – Mallards.
Perambulator – Surveyor’s Wheel (correction: Sarek)
Petrichor – Stale Smoke On Clothes.
Photography – Fireworks.
Pierce Brosnan – Nicole Kidman’s Hair.
Pigs In Blankets – Pigs In Blankets.
Pikachu – Atishoo.
Pirate Ship – Spanish Galleon.
Pizza – Cheese And Tomato Sandwich.
Placemats – Seat Cushions.
PMQs – Springwatch.
Police Academy – Fraggle Rock.
Polls – Adverts.
Pop Quiz – Jitsu Grading.
Porridge – Rice Krispies.
Postman Pat – He-Man.
Potato Salad – Twiglets.
Pot Noodle – Souffle.
Pouting – Old Man Face Done By Kids In Plays.
Power Of The Damager – Unbreakable.
Presents (Gifts) – Parking Tickets.
Pro-Wrestling – The Roman Sacking Of Carthage.
Pulp Fiction – Mama Mia!.
Pumpkin – Potato Painting.
Putting Your Foot In It – Handing It To Someone.
Pyjamas – Hot Summer Nights.


QI Elves – Set Designer On Wipeout.
Quality Street – Tin Under Isiz’s Dad’s Coffee Table In The 1990s.
Quantum Leap – Casualty.
Quiz – MOT.


Rhyming Slang – Out Loud Txt Spk.
Ricki Lake – Jerry Springer.
Riker Sitting Down – President Bartlet Putting On A Jacket.
Rik Mayall – James Corden.
Robin Hood – Monopoly.
Robocop – Shaft.
Robosaurus – Sindy’s Nursing Hospital.
Rolos – Polos.
Roomba – A Dog Wiping Its Arse On Your Carpet.
Rose – Death Orchid
Rose Petals Atop A Bed – Toast Crumbs In A Bed
Rubik’s Cube – Cigarettes.
Ruby Wax – Wayne Rooney.


Sausages – Fried Eggs.
Salad Cream – A Sprig Of Mint On A Chocolate Pudding Etc.
Santa Claus – Krampus.
School – Cosmo Quiz.
Scratch Cards – Oft Overlooked Itchy Clothes Tags.
7-Eleven – 8th November.
Seance – Beyonce.
Seinfeld – Real Housewives Of New York..
setisoppO – The Same.
Sewing Machines – Your Inner Critic.
Sexting – Package Delivered Automated Email.
Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band – The Twang Of A Shatter 6 Resistant 7 Ruler At About 11cm.
Shatner – Grapes.
Sheepskin Bottle – Concrete Boots.
Shoes – Clark’s Foot Gauge.
Shopping Trolleys – Shark Cages.
Shoulder Shrug – Finger Jab.
Shrubbery – Rockery.
Simon – Simone.
Singing – Dancing.
Skin – Clothing.
Skittles – Falling Cows.
Smarties – Minstrels.
Smoking – Not Smoking.
Snarf – Eartha Kitt.
Sneezing – Pepper.
Snogging – Blowing A Raspberry (Into Someone’s Mouth).
Snoring – Fire Breath.
Snorkelling – Using A Straw.
Soft Close Mechanism – Start Of Saving Private Ryan.
Sooty – Penn Jillette.
Spackle – ATM.
Spartacus – Cardinal Richelieu.
Spice Girls – Toploader.
Spider-Man – Spider-Pig.
Sponge – Avocado.
Spray Paint – Photoshop.
Sprinkles – Jam/Marmalade.
Sprouts – Grapes.
Squeegee – Guinea Pig.
Star Trek – Star Wars.
Stay Puft Marshmallow Man (Backend Only) – Mr Soft (Front End Only).
St Helen’s Fort – Fort Boyard.
Stickers – Bird Poo.
Stockings – Stockings.
Suggestions – Commands.
Sundae – Piss.
Swan – Plaice/Napkin.
Swearing – Prayer.
Sweatbands – Fascinators.
Sweaters – String Vests.


Table Tennis – Outdoor Connect Four.
Tadpoles – Virgin Cabin Crew.
Taekwondo – Brazilian Jiu Jitsu.
Tattoo – Penis Burning Mint Body Wash.
Tea Bag – Tea Pot.
Tea Cosy – Kool Aid Man.
Teletubbies – Tweenies.
Television – Fireplace.
Tennis – Spaghetti.
Texting – Paging.
Thank You – Please Me.
Theatre – Nothing, Maths, Everything.
Thumb Wars – Footsie.
Tap Dancing (Rhythm) – Being Roundly Spanked.
The Flumps – My Noisy.
The Good Life – Bad Boys 2.
The Incredible Hulk – Luna Lovegood.
The Matrix – Paddington.
The Muppet Christmas Carol – Meet The Feebles.
The Smurfs – The Simpsons.
The Wombles – Captain Planet.
Thundercats – Mouse Trap!.
Tights – Madness.
Tinsel – Curtains.
Tintin – Asterix.
Tissues – Pummice Stones.
Toast – Wet Cake.
Toenails – Post-It Notes.
Tomato Ketchup – Yoghurt.
Tom Hanks Peeing – Dame Judi Dench On A Motorbike.
Tongues – Nasal Cavities. (correction: Bums)
Tongue Piercings – Picking Your Nose.
Tonsillitis – Love Eggs.
Toothpaste – Garlic Bread.
Tortoise – Hare.
Toucan – Ostrich.
Towel – Your Mum’s Dildo.
Train Whistle – Truck Peep.
Trampoline – Deep Wishing Well.
Trophy – Prize.
Trunks – Tigger.
Trunks (Elephant) – Voldemort’s Face.
Turning 30 – 5 Seconds Before Orgasm.
Turnips – The Cabbage Patch Kids.
Tuna Sandwich – Cream Cheese And Smoked Salmon Bagel.
Turquoise – Amber.
Tweezers – The Chuckle Brothers.


UFOs – Hot Air Balloons.
Up Yours – Up Yours.


Vanilla – Chilli.
Vaping – Walking Past Lush.
Velociraptor – Chicken McNuggets.
Veronica Mars – Venus Williams.
Vick’s VapoRub – Philadelphia Cheese.
Viking Longship – Jet Ski.
Volcano – Glacier.
VW Beetle – Sir Killalot.


Wallop – The Sound Of A Man Coming.
Waitrose – Wilkinsons.
Wankel Rotary Engine – Spirograph.
Washing Machine – Sand Blasting Jean Machine.
Water – Rabies.
Water Balloons – Goldfish At The Fair.
Wax – Wain.
Weather – LA.
Wednesday – Stoke.
Well Worn International Trade Routes – Base Camps, Wherever They May Be.
WD40 – Spongebob Squarepants.
Wheelbarrow – Land Surfer.
Wiiiickes – Diiiickes.
Whip Scorpions – Teddy Bears.
Woodpeckers – Cement Mixers.
Woodwork – Making Charcoal.
Worf – Deanna Troi.
World Cup – US Presidential Election.


Yawning – Holding In A Fart.
Your Mum – Who’s Your Daddy?
YouTube – Betamax VCR.


Zebra Crossings – Lollipop Ladies