Wiki

A list of all the things we’ve discussed.

0-9

99 Ice Cream – Route 66.
999 – 666

A

A Bag For Life – Iggy Pop.
Accordions – Kazzoos
After Eight Mints – Trebor Extra Strong Mints.
Aglets – Eyelets/Lugs.
A Good Cup Of Tea, Ahhh – Herbal Tea With Milk.
A Good Night’s Sleep – Playing Video Games All Night.
A Kitten Yawning – Blaming A Fart On The Dog.
Alcohol – A Cat’s Furball After It’s Eaten Blu Tak.
Aliens – Midwives.
A Kick To The Balls – Dozing In Front Of The Snooker.
Alfred Hitchcock – Kevin Smith.
Allo Allo – The Three Colours Trilogy.
Almonds – Peaches.
Amazon Prime – Optimus Prime.
Ambulance – Avalanche.
American Pancakes – Breakfast Burrito.
Amusement Park – Going To Your Gran’s For Tea On a Drizzly Afternoon.
Andrex – Dulux.
Animaniacs – Tiny Toon Adventures.
Antidisestablishmentarianism – Tea.
Anti-Pasti – Dopo-Pasti.
AOL Discs – Free WiFi.
April Fool’s Day – Slapping Day.
Archery – Target.
Arrow – Bow.
Arnold Rimmer – Ace Rimmer.
Audio Commentaries – Organ Accompaniment.
Avalanche – Bananaman Flying.

B

Baba Ghanoush – Fondue.
Backgammon – Noughts And Crosses.
Backlog – Preppers.
Back To The Future – Peggy Sue Got Married.
Badminton – Clay Pigeon Shooting.
Baked Potato – Raw Turnip.
Bakewell Tart – Chelsea Bun.
Bamboo – Captain Kirk.
Banana – Sweetcorn.
Baseball Cap – Anne Widdicombe’s Head.
Baskets – Bird Nests.
Basketball – Apple Bobbing.
Basketball Hoops – Bottom Shelf of a Supermarket.
Bath – A Man Coming Onto You That You Don’t Fancy.
Batman Returns – Pingu.
Bat – Kakapo.
Battery – A Conversation With Simon Where We Try And Work Out What Is The Opposite Of A Battery.
Bauble – Lightbulb.
Bawitdaba – Suzanne By Leonard Cohen.
Beans On Toast – Bacon & Maple Syrup.
Beard – A Little Pink Bow.
Beaver – Wolf.
Beaver Creek Institution – Norfolk, 800,000 Years Ago.
Bed – Your Parents’ Dining Table.
Belt – A Magician’s Curtain.
Beer – A Child Hopping.
Bees – WASPS.
Bell – Siren.
Ben And Jerry’s – Lush.
Beret – Stilts.
Big Brother – A Show At The Edinburgh Fringe.
Binoculars – Binoculars The Other Way Round.
Birds Of A Feather – Get Back.
Biro – Water Pik.
Biscuits – Biscuits.
Bitcoin – Currency.
Blackberry – Lychee.
Black Forest Gateau – Coffee Cake.
Blankety Blank – Families At War.
Board Games – Going To The Gym.
Boba Fett – Jabba The Hut.
Bobble Hat – Stiletto.
Body Building – Darts.
Book – Pigeon.
Bookmarks – Random Number Generator.
Bottom – Top Cat.
Bowl – Pestle.
Branston Pickle – HP Sauce.
Bras – Pop Socks.
Bread – Maltesers.
Breakdancing – Playing The Spoons.
Brick – Lorraine Bracco.
Brush – Peter Pan.
Bill Murray – Murray Walker’s Commentary Track From The Formula One ’97 Playstation Game.
Brick Hod – Mattock.
Brighton Beach – Sherbert.
Broomsticks – Dyson. (correction: Black Cats)
Blu Tack – Tippex.
BT Tower – Big Pit.
Bubble Wrap – Lego Pips.
Bubbles – Lester Freeman.
Bubbles – Balls From A Ball Pit.
Bucket – Bouquet.
Bunting – Bosun’s Whistle.
Burgers – Apples.
Burps – Eating.
Bus – Whale.
Butterfly – Mutton.
Buzzfeed – The Butterfly Effect.
Buzz Lightyear – Woody.

C

Cable Car – Steve McQueen In A Ford Advert.
Cadbury’s Creme Egg – Used Condom/Chicken Kiev.
Cake Boss – The Great British Bake Off (correction: The Sopranos).
Calippo – Swedish Taste.
Calvinball – Baseball.
Canada – France.
CAPTCHA – Iszi’s Mum And A Vaccuum Cleaner.
Captions – Post It Notes.
Car – Horse.
Caramel – Wet Salt.
Cardboard Box – Mansion.
Carrot – Ron Weasley In A Slitherin Outfit.
Carry On Films – The Fast & Furious Films.
Car Showroom – Eating Waffles In A Diner Booth With Matt Damon.
Cartwheels – Catherine Wheels.
Cape – Neil Pye’s Shoe.
Catan (Settlers Of) – Suburbia.
Cat Spoon – Surgeon’s Scalpel.
Cat’s Tail – Cat’s Lipstick.
Cat Treat – Cat Food.
Cement – Slime Fish.
Chameleons – Hypercolor T Shirts.
Charles Dickens – Agatha Christie.
Chapstick – Sniffing My Brother’s Meat.
Cheesecake – Mud Pie.
Chocolate Eclairs – Butterscotch Eclairs.
Chlorine Triflouride – The Queen’s Face.
Clergymen – Dwayne ‘The Rock’ Johnson.
Champagne – Slurry.
Channel Tunnel – Pont Du Garde.
Cheeks – Archbishop Of Canterbury.
Cherry – Kipper.
Chess – Twister.
Chicken Leftovers – Non-Recyclable Packaging.
Chicken Nuggets – Steve Davis’ Cock.
Chocolate – Soap.
Christmas Carol – Football Chants.
Chocolate Buttons – Running.
Chocolate Cereal – Marmite On Toast.
Christmas – Thinking About Your Parents Banging.
Christmas Card – Valentine’s Card.
Christmas Cracker – Overly Tight Balloon.
Christmas Elves – BAE.
Christmas Jumper – Wedding Dress.
Christmas Pudding – The Banking Collapse Of 2008.
Chupa Chups – Boiled Gumshields.
Clicking A Pen – Metronome.
Clicking Your Fingers – Chin In Your T-Shirt.
Cliffhanger – Last Of The Summer Wine.
Cling Film – Aluminium Foil.
Cloud – Sulphur.
Cluedo – Postcard.
Clusterfuck – Amazeballs.
Clutch – Clam.
Coat Hanger – Bedroom Floor.
Cobblestone – Cobbler (Peach).
Cockneys – Dick Van Dyke.
Colgate Blue Minty Gel – Deep Heat.
Coronavirus – Losing Your House Keys.
Crab Nebula – Milky Way Bar.
Cream Tea – Cucumber Finger Sandwiches.
Cruithne – The Other Krankie.
Cobwebs – Slime Fish Slime.
Coffee – Horlicks.
Coke – Fanta.
Coleslaw – Alpen.
Columbo – Inspector Gadget.
Conditioner – A Mid-Life Crisis.
Condoms – Riding A Helmet Without A Motorbike On (To Be Continued).
Conker – Being Tangoed.
Copper – Tooth Fairy.
Corndogs – Cattail Fluff.
Cornetto Tips – Tax Disc.
Covid – Butter From The Fridge.
Cowboy Hat – Greek Wedding.
Cranberry Sauce – Apple Sauce.
Crayons – Glue Paddles.
Cricket – 1936 Summer Olympic Games.
Crocodiles – Popcorn, But Very Specifically Cinema Popcorn.
Cucumber – Cat Eating At A Bowl.
Cupcakes – Brocolli.
Curtains – Wikipedia.
Cyril Sneer – Fangs A Lot Fiendish Feet.

D

Dad’s Army – The Mitchell & Webb Sketch ‘Are We The Baddies?’.
Daisy – Susan’s Bumhole.
Dalek – R2-D2.
Dandelion & Burdock – Kambucha.
Dashboard – Mud Wrestling.
Dates (Fruit) – Cooking Apples.
Dates (Calendar) – Janus.
Dates (Romance) – Eye Exam.
Davros – Jeremy Corbyn.
Death Star – The Forest Moon Of Endor.
Decapitation – Hanging.
December – Ramadan.
Deely Boppers – Hard Hat.
Deep Fried Battenberg Cake – Parsley.
Deep Space Nine – I’m Alan Partridge Series One.
Deep Space Nine (Terak Nor) – Cribbs Causeway.
Deerstalker – Rupert Bear’s Trousers.
Dental Floss – Ski Lift.
Deviled Egg – Bottle Of Bud.
Dice – Andrew Dice Clay.
Dictionary – Thorn.
Didgeridoos – Straws.
Die Hard – Easy Living.
Dinosaur Chicken Nugget – Steve Davis’ Cock In The Future.
Dinosaur Egg – Nappy.
Disco Ball – Introspection.
Disgruntlement – Hygge.
Disposable Camera – Infra Red Film.
Doctor Who – Han Solo Frozen In Carbonite.
Dog Food – Cat Food.
Dominoes – Jenga.
Doom – Hospital.
Door Hinge – Aaaaahh.
Doughnuts – Bagels.
Dreamies – Worming Tablets.
Dreaming – Pins & Needles.
Drivethroughs – Chefs.
Dr Pepper – Ronseal.
Drugs – Gold.
Duckling – Echo The Dolphin.
Dungarees – Wedding Dress.
Dust – Spritz.
DVD – Potato Waffle.

E

Ear Worms – French Vocab Test.
Easter Eggs – Mince Pies.
Ed Miliband’s Shoes – Russell Crowe’s Jockstrap.
Egg – Eyren.
Eggs Benedict – Buckfast Tonic Water.
Egg Whisk – Wet Celery.
Elephant – Mouse.
Elevator Music – Paper Bag.
Email – Cuneform Tablet.
Empty Crisp Packets – Bedsheets.
Emu – Kevin Eldon.
Envelopes – Fry’s Turkish Delight.
Espresso – Night Caps.
Eurovision Song Contest – Second World War.
Exactly 12 Baked Beans – Disciples.
Exclamation Mark – A Lower Case I.
Eyes – Surprise Birthday Party.

F

Face Masks – Underwear.
Farts – Making Balloon Animals.
Father Brown – Midsummer Murders.
F-Bomb – Amen.
Felt Tip Pens – Honey Ants.
Felix – Own Brand Supermarket Cat Food.
Fidget Spinners – Hamster Hand Escalators.
Film Directors – Daytime TV Presenters.
Fish And Chips – Pie And Mash.
Fish Fingers – L Ron Hubbard’s Clam Chowder.
Fishing – Phish Food Ice Cream.
Flag – Petard.
Flavour Sachets In Dried Noodles – Flavoured Condoms.
Flip Flops – Visors.
Fluffy Bunnies – Bowling Balls.
Fluffy Cat Bellies – Pin Art.
Focaccia – Brutus/Bluto From Popeye.
Forks – Chopsticks.
Footpath – Field Of Cows.
French Fries – Milkshake.
Friday 13th – Christmas Day (Movie).
Friends – Bottom Guest House Paradiso.
Frigate – Tug.
Frigate Bird – Whitesnake.
Frozen Banana – Defrosted Fish.
Fruit Pastilles – Jolly Ranchers.
Fur Ball – Civit Bum Coffee.
Fur Coat – Towelling Dressing Gown.

G

Game Shows – Desert Bus.
Gammon – Hubba Bubba.
Garage – Quarry.
Garbage – Chocolate Cheesecake.
Garbage Can/Bin – Safe/ty Deposit Box.
Garbage Pail Kids – The Munch Bunch.
Gary Oldman – John Hurt.
Gas – So Solid Crew.
Ghostbusters – Randall From Randall And Hopkirk (Deceased).
Ghosts – Zombies.
Gin And Tonic – Malaria.
Ginger Nuts – Nice Biscuits.
Glamping – A Night With Keith Moon.
Glass – Oven Glove.
Glue – Lube.
Goats – Trolls.
Goblins – Sprites.
Goldfish – Swinger’s Car Keys.
Gold Medal – Desert Bus.
Golf – Tossing The Caber.
Gondola Lift – Plane Taxiing On A Runway.
Goo – Talcum Powder.
Goose – Barnacle.
Grapevine – Cabbage.
Grass – Milk.
Grated Cheese – Grated Carrot.
Grand Theft Auto – Sylvanian Families.
Grand Theft Auto 3 – Dixit.
Gravity – Suction.
Greetings Card – Dick Pic.
Guitar – Jimi Hendrix’s Tongue.
Gun – Flamingo.

H

Hair Follicle – Pin Cushion.
Halo – Rubber Plastic Face Applied Plunger.
Half Term – Exam Week.
Ham – Politically Rounded Individual.
Hamburger – TikTok Beefburger.
Handbags – A Bag Of Hands.
Handwash – Mud.
Hard Drive – Putting A Sandwich In A VHS Player.
Harry Potter (franchise) – Calvin & Hobbes.
Head Slapping – A Cup Of Beans.
Health & Safety – Office Birthdays.
Hedge – Green.
Hedgehog – Seagull.
Heinz Chicken Noodle Soup – Dry Chicken Sandwich.
Helen – Nelly.
Henry’s Cat – Huckleberry Hound.
Hessian Sack – Very Cheap Plastic Bag.
Hogmanay – Black Friday.
Hogwash – Sheep Dip.
Hokey Cokey – Funerals.
Hologram – Fluid Ounce.
Holy Grail – Kryptonite.
Home Town – Layby.
Honey Dipper – That Hand.
Honeymoon – Fighting A Bear In Alaska.
Hot Chocolate – Dry Ice.
Hotdogs – A Hot Kitkat.
Hotmail – Snapchat.
Humming – Panic Attack.
Hump Day – Friyay.

I

Ibuprofen – Dark Willow.
Ice Cream – Custard.
Ice Cream Scoop – Mr Whippy.
Ice Cream Van – Mobile Library.
IKEA – Dovetail Joints.
Indiana Jones – Tony Robinson.
Inflatable Boxing Gloves – Knuckledusters.
Inspector Morse – DCI Jane Tennison.
Instagram – Radio Four.
Insurance – Gambling.
International Space Station – Sedgemoor Services.
Irn-Bru – Pimms.
Ironing Board – Deckchair.
Iron Man – Aspirin Man.
Island – Pond.

J

James Bond – Michael Palin.
Jaws – Finding Nemo.
Jaws – Maxilla.
Jaws – The Battle Of Waterloo.

Jazz – Magic Spells.
Jellicle – Jaberwocky.
Jelly – Cat Biscuits.
Jelly Babies – Crunchy Lady Finger Ocre Chips.
Jet Engine – The Little Cocktail Umbrella The Shuttle Poos Out.
Jigsaw Puzzles – Carcassonne.
Jimmy Carr’s Laugh – Michael Buerke Sighing.
Jiu Jitsu – Jousting.
Jogging – Masturbation.
John McClane – The Terminator.
Judge – Mr Punch.
Jugs – Glasses.
June – January.
Jurassic Park – Chessington World Of Adventures.

K

Kangaroo – Sloth.
Kerfuffle – Easy Peasy Lemon Squeezy.
Kerplunk – Decimation.
Kleenex – Andrex.
Knitting – Frogging.
Kryten – Cylon.

L

Lara Croft – Indiana Jones.
Large Hadron Collider – Giant Floating Toblerone.
Ladybirds – Dung Beetles.
Lancashire Hot Pot – Spaghetti Bolognese.
Lanyard – Pearl Necklace.
Laundrette – Chocolate Mousse.
Lawyer – Soliciting.
Leaves – (Book) Spine.
Lego – Knex.
Legs – Wheels.
Lemmings – Lemmings.
Lemon Drizzle Cake – WADA.
Lens Wipes – A Live Mole.
Lettuce – Popeye.
Library – Dishonest Cheese.
Lightsaber – Iphone Screen Protector.
Lips – Lids.
Lockdown – Old Normal.
Lollipops – Candy Floss.
Lotion – Dulux Paint.
Love Hearts – Parma Violets
Low Rent Sceptic Tank – A Truck That Delivers Savlon On The Motorway.
Lunch Boxes – Cornish Pasties.
Lymsewold – Diamonds.

M

Magnum (condom) – Light Flow Tampon.
Magnum (ice cream) – Feast.
Magnum (PI) – Cagney & Lacey.

Mail Bag – Rusting Gas Barbecue.
Mannequins – Autons.
Margaret Thatcher – Clement Atlee.
Mario – Wario.
Marmalade Sandwiches – A Pot Of Honey.
Mars – Potato.
Mars Bar – Dog Shit.
Marshmallow – Gobstopper.
Marvin The Paranoid Android – The Doors On The Heart Of Gold.
Mary Shelley – Roy Clarke.
Match – Putting Out A Candle With Wet Fingers.
Mayonnaise – Heinz Terry’s Chocolate Orange Mayo.
McDonald’s – Pie In The Sky.
Metronome – Stephen Fry.
Michael Burke – Jon Snow’s Colourful Socks.
Milk Left Over From A Bowl Of Cereal – Bread In Gravy.
Mini – MINI.
Miss Marple – Vic Mackey.
Mistletoe – Counter Covered In The Paraphernalia Of An Opened Bonjella Packet.
Mixed Martial Arts (MMA) – Stop Sign.
M&Ms – Bounty.
Morris Dancing – Breakdancing.
Moon – Sun.
Motorbike – An Electric Reclining Armchair.
Motorway Services – Londis.
Mr Bean – Captain Janeway.
Mr Spock – Bones.
Muesli – Full English Breakfast.
Mouth ulcers – Kissing.
Mumbly Peg – Kite Flying.
Museums – Shops.
Mustard – Polythene.
Myrrh – Hotel Soaps.

N

Nail Clippers – B7 Vitamins.
Nasal Spray – Nose Clips.
Nectarine – Dry Chin.
New Year’s Resolution – Birthday Wish.
1990s – Prince.
Nickel – Wooden Poker Chips.
Ninjas – Clowns.
Nipple – Nose.
Neck – Shame.
Nemesis (Rollercoaster) – Sylvester Stallone’s Uni-Buttock.
Neo – Paddington.
Netflix – Blockbuster Video.
Newspapers – Status Quo.
New Year Resolutions – Being A Man.
New York – One Of Simon’s Ideas.
Noice – Mank.
Nokia 3310 – Peeling A Quayle’s Egg.
Nostalgia – The Cringe Monkey.
Notifications – Toaster Popping Up.
Number Plate – Masquerade Ball.
Nutella – Hummus.
Nutritional Labelling – Cigarette Health Warnings.

O

Octopus – Parrot.
Olympics – Washing Up.
Onamatopoiea – Empty Letter.
One – Minus One.
Onions – Electric Eel.
Only Fools And Horses – A Touch Of Frost.
Orange – Parma Violet.
Orange Juice – Iszi Eating a Berocca.
Orangutan – Eurasian Teal.
Organ – Spinning.
Otter – Notter.
Oyster Card – Chiswick Flyover.

P

Pac-Man – Muon Trap From Ghostbusters.
Padlock – Key.
Pain Killers – Piers Morgan.
Palindrome – Pi.
Pancake Day – National Tortilla Chip Day.
Panda – Blobfish.
Pandora – Eve.
Pan Galactic Gargle Blaster – A Plastic Cup Filled With A Liquid That’s Almost, But Not Quite, Entirely Unlike Tea.
Pangolin – Fake Nails.
Papercut – Wasp Nest.
Paper Jam – Cardboard Marmalade.
Parachute – Your Stepdad’s Hankie.
Party – Jesus Spending 40 Days In The Desert.
Party Rings – Wagon Wheels.
Peas – Pete Best.
Pencil – Information.
Penguins – Bourbons.
Penguins – Mallards.
Perambulator – Surveyor’s Wheel (correction: Sarek)
Petrichor – Stale Smoke On Clothes.
Phone Book – Fly Fishing By JR Hartley.
Phone Box – Ball Gag.
Photography – Fireworks.
Pierce Brosnan – Nicole Kidman’s Hair.
Pigs In Blankets – Pigs In Blankets.
Pikachu – Atishoo.
Pill Cutter – Jonah.
Pineapple – Metallica.
Pine Cone – Solero.
Pirate – John Nettles.
Pirate Ship – Spanish Galleon.
Pizza – Cheese And Tomato Sandwich.
Placemats – Seat Cushions.
PMQs – Springwatch.
Pockets – Lint.
Podcast – Mount Everest.
Poker – Liquor.
Police Academy – Fraggle Rock.
Pollen – Weak Mammal Spunk.
Polls – Adverts.
Polo – Timmy Mallett.
Poodle – Peanut.
Popocatepetl – Snuffleupagus’ Mouth.
Pop Quiz – Jitsu Grading.
Pop Tarts – Kedgiree.
Porridge – Rice Krispies.
Porsche – Lego Dragon.
Posset – Fruit.
Postman – Great Train Robbers.
Postman Pat – He-Man.
Potato Salad – Twiglets.
Pot Noodle – Souffle.
Poutine – Aussie Snags.
Pouting – Old Man Face Done By Kids In Plays.
Power Of The Damager – Unbreakable.
Presents (Gifts) – Parking Tickets.
Pretzel – Ron Perlman Saying Penitenziagite.
Pro-Wrestling – The Roman Sacking Of Carthage.
Puffin – Nuffin.
Pulp Fiction – Mama Mia!.
Pumpkin – Potato Painting.
Puppet – Yuru-Chara.
Purring – Wurrahing.
Putting Your Foot In It – Handing It To Someone.
Pyjamas – Hot Summer Nights.
Pyramids – Boat Pits.

Q

QI Elves – Set Designer On Wipeout.
Quality Street – Tin Under Isiz’s Dad’s Coffee Table In The 1990s.
Quantum Leap – Casualty.
Quiz – MOT.
Quokka – The Tasmanian Devil.

R

Rabbit – Donkey.
Rain – Desserts.
Raisins – Wet Grapes.
Reading – An Adult Listening.
Red Arrows – 11.
Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup – Buttercup.
Revels – Bishop’s Indulgence.
Rhyming Slang – Out Loud Txt Spk.
Ricki Lake – Jerry Springer.
Riker Sitting Down – President Bartlet Putting On A Jacket.
Rik Mayall – James Corden.
Robin – Peacock Spider.
Robin Hood – Monopoly.
Robocop – Shaft.
Robosaurus – Sindy’s Nursing Hospital.
Rock – Shepherd’s Crook.
Rolos – Polos.
Roomba – A Dog Wiping Its Arse On Your Carpet.
Rose – Death Orchid
Rose Petals Atop A Bed – Toast Crumbs In A Bed
Roulette – Steering Wheel.
Rubik’s Cube – Cigarettes.
Ruby Wax – Wayne Rooney.
Rudolph The Red Nosed Reindeer – Reindeer Games.

S

Sausages – Fried Eggs.
Salad Cream – A Sprig Of Mint On A Chocolate Pudding Etc.
Salad Bar – Pick N Mix.
Santa Claus – Krampus.
Saturday Night Live – Firefly.
Saturn – Dude Who Liked It But Didn’t Put A Ring On It.
Saw – Simon’s Wit.
Scarf – Paddington’s Rain Hat.
School – Cosmo Quiz.
Scissors – Rolling Pin.
Scottish Accent – Richard E. Grant.
Scrabble – Buckaroo.
Scratch Cards – Oft Overlooked Itchy Clothes Tags.
Screwdriver – Hammer.
Scrunchies – Beach Party
7-Eleven – 8th November.
Seance – Beyonce.
Seaweed – Cowpat or Pummice Stone.
Secret Santa – Cumming In A Sock.
Seinfeld – Real Housewives Of New York..
setisoppO – The Same.
Sewing Machines – Your Inner Critic.
Sexting – Package Delivered Automated Email.
Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band – The Twang Of A Shatter 6 Resistant 7 Ruler At About 11cm.
Shadow Puppet – Piers Morgan’s Anus Stroke Rectum.
Shatner – Grapes.
Shaving Foam – Hairy Butter.
Sheepskin Bottle – Concrete Boots.
Sherbert Lemon – Topless Man Kissing You On The Adam’s Apple In A Lift In The 1990s.
Shoes – Clark’s Foot Gauge.
Shopping Trolleys – Shark Cages.
Shoulder Shrug – Finger Jab.
Shrubbery – Rockery.
Sick Bag – Whoopee Cushion.
Simon – Simone.
Singing – Dancing.
Sirens – Sirens.
Sitcom – Rolling News On Jubilee Day.
Skips – Quality Street Toffee Penny.
Skeleton – Old Grey Bra.
Skin – Clothing.
Skittles – Falling Cows.
Sleeping Bags – Condoms.
Smarties – Minstrels.
Smoke Alarn – Water Balloon.
Smoking – Not Smoking.
Smoothie – Asparagus.
Snail Trail – Whiskers On Kittens.
Snarf – Eartha Kitt.
Sneezing – Pepper.
Snickers – Red Rum.
Snogging – Blowing A Raspberry (Into Someone’s Mouth).
Snoring – Fire Breath.
Snorkelling – Using A Straw.
Snooker – Snoopy.
Snow – A Stadium Full Of Simons.
Snowball – Brimstone.
Snowflake – Paperclip.
Snowman – Nuclear Fallout.
Soap Bubbles – Maggots.
Soft Close Mechanism – Start Of Saving Private Ryan.
Sooty – Penn Jillette.
Space Hopper – Trampoline.
Spackle – ATM.
Sparkles – Mleh.
Spartacus – Cardinal Richelieu.
Spice Girls – Toploader.
Spider-Man – Spider-Pig.
Spiders – Sauron.
Spitting Image – The Crown.
Spy – Donald Trump.
Sponge – Avocado.
Spray Paint – Photoshop.
Sprinkles – Jam/Marmalade.
Sprouts – Grapes.
Squash – Calippo.
Squeegee – Guinea Pig.
Squirrel – A Dog At A Comedy Show.
Stairs – ED-209.
Starship Enterprise – Delboy’s Reliant Robin.
Star Trek – Star Wars.
Static Electricity – Rubber.
Stay Puft Marshmallow Man (Backend Only) – Mr Soft (Front End Only).
St Helen’s Fort – Fort Boyard.
Stickers – Bird Poo.
Stockings – Stockings.
Stoppit And Tidyup – Eurovision Coverage With Terry Wogan.
Strawberry – Tea Bag.
Strawberry Daiquiri – Jordan’s Crunch Crisp Strawberry.
Stripey Top – Measles.
Stuffing – Dormouse Skin.
Submarine – Robotic Fish Tank.
Suggestions – Commands.
Sundae – Piss.
Swan – Plaice/Napkin.
Swearing – Prayer.
Sweatbands – Fascinators.
Sweaters – String Vests.
Swingball – A Smashed Greenhouse.

T

Table Football – Subbuteo.
Table Tennis – Outdoor Connect Four.
Tacos – Swimming Pool.
Tadpoles – Virgin Cabin Crew.
Taekwondo – Brazilian Jiu Jitsu.
TARDIS – God.
Tattoo – Penis Burning Mint Body Wash.
Tea Bag – Tea Pot.
Tea Cosy – Kool Aid Man.
Teardrop – Wheezer.
Teeth – Toffee.
Telephone – Eavesdropping.
Teletubbies – Tweenies.
Television – Fireplace.
Tennis – Spaghetti.
Tennis Ball – Chocolate (yes, I know we’ve already done Chocolate).
Texting – Paging.
Thames – River Of Fire.
Thank You – Please Me.
Theatre – Nothing, Maths, Everything.
Thumb Wars – Footsie.
Tap Dancing (Rhythm) – Being Roundly Spanked.
The Flumps – My Noisy.
The Good Life – Bad Boys 2.
The Incredible Hulk – Luna Lovegood.
The Matrix – Paddington.
The Muppet Christmas Carol – Meet The Feebles.
The Smurfs – The Simpsons.
The Wombles – Captain Planet.
The X-Files – Most Haunted.
Thunder – Popping Bubblewrap.
Thunderbirds – Suicide Squad.
Thundercats – Mouse Trap!.
Tickling – Grooming Cats.
Tie – Ha Ha.
Tiger – The Philosopher John Calvin.
Tights – Madness.
TikTok – Richard Madeley.
Tim Tams – Water Biscuits.
Tinsel – Curtains.
Tintin – Asterix.
Tissues – Pummice Stones.
Toast – Wet Cake.
Toaster – Salamander.
Toast Toppers – Avocado On Toast.
Toblerone – Pyramint.
Toenails – Post-It Notes.
Tomato – Rhubarb.
Tomato Ketchup – Yoghurt.
Tom Hanks Peeing – Dame Judi Dench On A Motorbike.
Tongues – Nasal Cavities. (correction: Bums)
Tongue Piercings – Picking Your Nose.
Tonsillitis – Love Eggs.
Toothbrush – Spare Ribs.
Toothpaste – Garlic Bread.
Top Hat – Gonad Netting.
Topic – Burying Your Testicles In The Ground.
Tortoise – Hare.
Toucan – Ostrich.
Towel – Your Mum’s Dildo.
Tractor – Tent Peg.
Traffic Lights – Neapolitan Ice Cream.
Train – Mountain Climber.
Trainspotting – Actual Sex.
Train Whistle – Truck Peep.
Trampoline – Deep Wishing Well.
Trophy – Prize.
Trunks – Tigger.
Trunks (Elephant) – Voldemort’s Face.
Tube – Australia.
Turning 30 – 5 Seconds Before Orgasm.
Turnips – The Cabbage Patch Kids.
Tuna Sandwich – Cream Cheese And Smoked Salmon Bagel.
Turquoise – Amber.
Tweezers – The Chuckle Brothers.
Twitter – Cold Blu Tak.
Twix – Twix.
Tyrannosaurus Rex – Europasaurus.

U

UFOs – Hot Air Balloons.
Umbrella – Bucket Above A Door.
Up Yours – Up Yours.
USB Stick – Hole For Keystone.

V

Van – Sat Nav.
Vanilla – Chilli.
Vaping – Walking Past Lush.
Velociraptor – Chicken McNuggets.
Veronica Mars – Venus Williams.
Viagra – Eye Contact With A Parent During An Intimate Act.
Vick’s VapoRub – Philadelphia Cheese.
ViewMaster – Ear Plugs.
Viking Longship – Jet Ski.
Vitamin D – Old Glow In The Dark Stickers.
Vitamins – Rabbit Starvation.
Volaticatherium – Kid At Halloween In Aluminium Foil Costume.
Volcano – Glacier.
VW Beetle – Sir Killalot.

W

Wallop – The Sound Of A Man Coming.
Waitrose – Wilkinsons.
Walnut – Veruca.
Wankel Rotary Engine – Spirograph.
Wardrobe – Bedroom Floor.
Washing Machine – Sand Blasting Jean Machine.
Water – Rabies.
Water Balloons – Goldfish At The Fair.
Wax – Wain.
Weather – LA.
Wednesday – Stoke.
Weetabix – Slippers.
Well – A Chancellor Of The Exchequer.
Well Worn International Trade Routes – Base Camps, Wherever They May Be.
WD40 – Spongebob Squarepants.
Wheelbarrow – Land Surfer.
Where’s Wally – The Coke Symbol.
Whiskers – Mirror In The Changing Room.
Whoppers – 100s & 1000s
Wiiiickes – Diiiickes.
Wind Farm – Don Quixote.
Windolene – A Fully Clothed Woman.
Witch – Monk.
Whip Scorpions – Teddy Bears.
Worms – Ringworm.
Woodpeckers – Cement Mixers.
Woodwork – Making Charcoal.
Wordle – Cobwebbing.
Worf – Deanna Troi.
World Cup – US Presidential Election.
WTF – Meh.

Y

Yawning – Holding In A Fart.
Y Fronts – Multiway Bra.
Yoda – Fozzie Bear.
Your Mum – Who’s Your Daddy?
YouTube – Betamax VCR.

Z

Zebra Crossings – Lollipop Ladies