Toblerone, Cranberry Sauce, Mistletoe

Time to slather some cranberry sauce all over our Toblerones, and sit beneath the mistletoe and wait for our kisses. Or, don’t do that, just listen to two idiots work out the opposite of those things instead. Don’t share, and...

Rudolph, Gun, Bamboo

Would you rather Rudolph The Red Nosed Reindeer was brandishing a gun or some bamboo? Or would you rather listen to two (well, one and half) idiots work out the opposite of those three things instead? Don’t share, and definitely...

Cat Spoon, Mayonnaise, Mail Bag

Never, under any circumstance, scoop mayonnaise into a mail bag using the cat spoon. I mean, that’s just common sense. But what’s the opposite of that? Only one way to find out. Don’t share, and don’t enjoy.

Van, Black Forest Gateau, Orange Juice

Park up the van, lay out a picnic, finish it off with a slice of Black Forest Gateau, and wash it all down with a nice cold glass of orange juice. Or don’t. Do the opposite of all that. It’s...

Butterfly, Car Showroom, Bucket

Wherein we discover through the art of stupidity what may well be the opposite of a butterfly, the opposite of a car showroom, and the opposite of a bucket. Don’t share, and don’t enjoy.

Bee, Noice, Daisy

Ah look, a bee hovering over a noise daisy. But what’s the opposite of that? Only one way to find out. Don’t share, and certainly don’t enjoy.

Spiders, Onions, Nokia 3310

Hang up the phone. Check for spiders. And know your onions. It’s time to work out the opposite of these things. Don’t share. And don’t enjoy. But do vote for Iszi in this book prize please.

Dice, Baseball Cap, Library

Time to don our baseball caps and roll the dice, then work out the opposite of a library. But first, we need to work out how to pronounce the word library. Don’t share, and certainly don’t enjoy.

Jelly Babies, Cat Tail, 99

We probably should stop recording these when we’re hungry. This week, we work out the opposite of Jelly Babies, of a cat’s tail, and of a 99 ice cream. Don’t share. Don’t enjoy.

Biscuit, Salad Bar, Motorbike

Never eat a biscuit while riding a motorbike to a salad bar. Instead, work out the opposite of those three things, and talk bollocks about them for twenty minutes. Don’t share. Don’t enjoy.