Would you eat a dinosaur chicken nugget with a screwdriver? Or a hedgehog? Both would be good for skewering them and picking them up. But, more importantly, what’s the opposite of those things? Don’t share. Don’t enjoy.

The new year brings new things to work out the opposite of. Thus, we sink our teeth into a juicy tomato, take a trip on a submarine, and make sure to take our vitamins. Don’t share, and don’t enjoy.

Time to slather some cranberry sauce all over our Toblerones, and sit beneath the mistletoe and wait for our kisses. Or, don’t do that, just listen to two idiots work out the opposite of those things instead. Don’t share, and...

Would you rather Rudolph The Red Nosed Reindeer was brandishing a gun or some bamboo? Or would you rather listen to two (well, one and half) idiots work out the opposite of those three things instead? Don’t share, and definitely...

Never, under any circumstance, scoop mayonnaise into a mail bag using the cat spoon. I mean, that’s just common sense. But what’s the opposite of that? Only one way to find out. Don’t share, and don’t enjoy.

Park up the van, lay out a picnic, finish it off with a slice of Black Forest Gateau, and wash it all down with a nice cold glass of orange juice. Or don’t. Do the opposite of all that. It’s...

Wherein we discover through the art of stupidity what may well be the opposite of a butterfly, the opposite of a car showroom, and the opposite of a bucket. Don’t share, and don’t enjoy.

Ah look, a bee hovering over a noise daisy. But what’s the opposite of that? Only one way to find out. Don’t share, and certainly don’t enjoy.

Hang up the phone. Check for spiders. And know your onions. It’s time to work out the opposite of these things. Don’t share. And don’t enjoy. But do vote for Iszi in this book prize please.

Time to don our baseball caps and roll the dice, then work out the opposite of a library. But first, we need to work out how to pronounce the word library. Don’t share, and certainly don’t enjoy.