Spiders, Onions, Nokia 3310

Hang up the phone. Check for spiders. And know your onions. It’s time to work out the opposite of these things. Don’t share. And don’t enjoy. But do vote for Iszi in this book prize please.

Dice, Baseball Cap, Library

Time to don our baseball caps and roll the dice, then work out the opposite of a library. But first, we need to work out how to pronounce the word library. Don’t share, and certainly don’t enjoy.

Jelly Babies, Cat Tail, 99

We probably should stop recording these when we’re hungry. This week, we work out the opposite of Jelly Babies, of a cat’s tail, and of a 99 ice cream. Don’t share. Don’t enjoy.

Biscuit, Salad Bar, Motorbike

Never eat a biscuit while riding a motorbike to a salad bar. Instead, work out the opposite of those three things, and talk bollocks about them for twenty minutes. Don’t share. Don’t enjoy.

One, Snickers, Cricket

Bowled out for one whilst eating a Snickers. It’s a terrible way to go in Cricket, but at least it tastes nice. Which is more than can be said for the opposite of all that. But what is the opposite...

Cobblestone, Viagra, Tiger

Pop a pill, turn your ankle, and stare at a big cat. Or, just work out the opposite of a cobblestone, of Viagra, and of a tiger. Upto you. Don’t share. Don’t enjoy.

Mario, Spitting Image, Glass

If Mario looks at his reflection in a glass, is what looks back at him a Spitting Image of himself? I mean, there’s no way of knowing, so instead we work out the opposite of those things. Don’t share. Don’t...

Car, Gold Medal, Frozen Banana

Sitting in the car, sucking on a slice of frozen banana, dreaming one day of winning a gold medal. Alas, they don’t give out gold medals for working out the opposite of things that don’t have a natural opposite. Don’t...

Captcha, Olympics, Puffin

Could capturing a puffin be an Olympic sport? I mean, that’s a stupid question, but it’s no more stupid than working out the opposite of things that don’t have a natural opposite. Don’t share. Don’t enjoy.

Irn-Bru, Nasal Spray, Corndog, Cucumber

What better way to spend your sunny summer’s day than to chug back an Irn-Bru, with a Corndog and some cucumber, and wash it all down with some nasal spray? No. Let’s do the opposite of that instead then. Don’t...