You’re reading Miss Marple, under the shade of the leaves, when you hear the chirrup of your notifications. You check your phone, and you see there’s a new episode of this podcast, wherein we work out the opposite of all...

Ever eaten Baba Ghanoush while brushing a panda? Of course not, that would be ludicrous. So, what’s the opposite of all that? Find out, in your ears. Do no share, and do not enjoy.

It all gets even more silly than normal this week, as we work out the opposite of a toaster, the opposite of a noise, and the opposite of Ghostbusters. Do not share, and do not enjoy.

This week we work out the opposite of an ambulance, the opposite of an avalanche, and the opposite of a dashboard. Do not share, and do not enjoy.

Would you rather have a mini Blackberry, or a mini View-Master? Or would you prefer to know the opposite of all those things? Do not share, and please do no enjoy.

You can use your lucky chapstick in the laundrette or when you play roulette, but you can’t do both. But you can work out the opposite of those three things. Do not share, and do not enjoy.

Eating a hamburger in New York, and washing it down with a swig of Dr Pepper – or, something that’s the opposite of all that anyway. Don’t share, and don’t enjoy.

It’s too hot to do anything else other than work out the opposite of Chess, the opposite of a tennis ball, and the opposite of a Dinosaur Egg. Do not share. And do not enjoy.

A lone emu runs through the rain, in search of cherries. It doesn’t. That’s not even poetic. Instead, let’s work out the opposite of those things. Do not share, and certainly do not enjoy.

What would happen if you hit Mars in the lips with a pineapple? That’s a daft question. Better to spend our time working out the opposite of those three things instead. Do not share, and certainly do not enjoy.