Would you rather have a mini Blackberry, or a mini View-Master? Or would you prefer to know the opposite of all those things? Do not share, and please do no enjoy.

You can use your lucky chapstick in the laundrette or when you play roulette, but you can’t do both. But you can work out the opposite of those three things. Do not share, and do not enjoy.

Eating a hamburger in New York, and washing it down with a swig of Dr Pepper – or, something that’s the opposite of all that anyway. Don’t share, and don’t enjoy.

It’s too hot to do anything else other than work out the opposite of Chess, the opposite of a tennis ball, and the opposite of a Dinosaur Egg. Do not share. And do not enjoy.

A lone emu runs through the rain, in search of cherries. It doesn’t. That’s not even poetic. Instead, let’s work out the opposite of those things. Do not share, and certainly do not enjoy.

What would happen if you hit Mars in the lips with a pineapple? That’s a daft question. Better to spend our time working out the opposite of those three things instead. Do not share, and certainly do not enjoy.

Would a red panda ever curse a space shuttle? Less importantly, what’s the opposite of these three random things? Don’t share, and definitely don’t enjoy.

Time’s a ticking, the ice is melting in the frozen daiquiri, and the telephone just won’t stop ringing. It’s time to forget all that, and instead work out the exact opposite. Don’t share, and certainly do not enjoy.

Have you ever been tractor fishing in the bath? Or course not, that would be daft. As would trying to figure out the opposite of those things. A pointless folly. So don’t listen, don’t share, and certainly don’t enjoy.

This week we work out the opposite of a robin, of raisins, and of shadow puppets. Don’t share, and don’t enjoy.